The other day, I received a message from a friend about something personal.

I was shocked – not because of the message itself, but because the information came from a private conversation with another mutual friend.

It suddenly hit me: not everyone can keep a secret. And come to think of it, what the hell is even considered a secret these days?

There are many levels of secrets, ranging from national and corporate to personal, with varying degrees of severity within each category. I suppose a secret is essentially privileged information limited to a select group of people. The concept of secrecy isn’t new – I’m pretty sure even cavemen told their buddies not to blab about their latest loot.

But as communication becomes easier, the line between what’s secret and what’s not seems to be getting blurrier.

Take non-disclosure agreements, for instance. When you sign one, do they put you through a “trustworthiness” assessment? At best, you might be hooked up to a polygraph to make sure you’re not lying, but there’s nothing to measure how good you are at keeping your mouth shut.

The same goes for personal stuff. When someone shares something with you in confidence, they’re assuming you’re trustworthy. They might ask, “Can you keep this a secret?” But let’s be real – who’s going to say no and admit they can’t be trusted?

Now, thanks to my friend’s message, I’m in a bit of a dilemma.

Let me break it down for you:

1. A has a secret.
2. A tells this secret to B.
3. A also tells the same secret to C, separately.
4. Later, B contacts C to share A’s secret.
5. C promises B not to share the secret with anyone, including A (the original source of the secret).

So, should C tell A that B spilled the beans? And how should C respond to B without giving away that they already know? If C plays dumb, is that lying to B? After all, B trusted C enough to share the secret. But if C hints at knowing already, isn’t that breaking their promise to A?

And that’s just with 3 people. Imagine the complications in big organizations where trade secrets or state secrets are at stake. How on earth do you make sure everyone keeps their lips zipped?

We haven’t even touched on the definition of what constitutes a secret or exceptions like spouses, where information tends to flow freely.

All this got me thinking: what’s the litmus test for a person’s secret-keeping abilities? Having a good memory is a start – you’ve got to remember whose secret is whose and who you can share it with. Ironically, being extremely forgetful could work too.

Another factor to consider is how often someone’s under the influence of alcohol or drugs. The best memory in the world doesn’t mean anything if you’re loose-lipped after a few drinks.

And let’s not forget about the gossip factor. Does this person talk about others behind their backs? If they do, do they at least try to hide the identities of the people they’re dishing about?

Maybe we should also normalize the idea that it’s okay to say, “Thanks, but no thanks” when someone wants to share a secret. After all, ignorance can be bliss – especially when it comes to keeping your conscience clear.